


eggs

by vvelna



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Flash Fic, M/M, Sex Toys, also dan is barely in this, he's just an innocent bystander, i've just rated it M to play it safe, just descriptions of the toy and its function, no sex toy use actually occurs in this, ovipositor, what even are ratings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 20:32:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15299484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvelna/pseuds/vvelna
Summary: Phil buys and ovipositor dildo.





	eggs

Phil had done his research. He knew what he wanted. He was a man on a mission—a mission to be impregnated by an alien, but since science hadn’t brought that dream within reach yet, he was settling for the next best thing.

He watched demonstration videos, read reviews, and considered shapes and colors. If he was going to buy his own personal alien dick, he wanted it to be both aesthetically and sexually pleasing.

He finally settled on a marbled blue and purple cock with a head somewhat reminiscent of the Demogorgon’s face from _Stranger Things_. It was pretty, but the actual look of the dildo didn’t titillate him that much. It was the thought of what he could do with it that got him excited.

He’d already bought the egg mold from a brick-and-mortar shop. It was serendipitously close to Easter, and he felt rather sly as he watched the sweet old lady ring it up. He doubted she suspected he was going to use it to make eggs to squeeze through a silicone tube into his rectum.

Phil bought the gelatin packets online, making sure to get plain gelatin. The last thing he wanted was to have some kind of horrible reaction that would require him to explain to a doctor that he’d put the wrong kind of gelatin up his ass.

Last but certainly not least, he placed the order for the ovipositor itself. He read and reread the line about “discreet packing.” His heart pounded as he clicked to complete the order.

*

The day of the dildo’s estimated arrival, he paced back and forth in front of the door to his flat, refreshing the tracking page on his phone and listening carefully for the buzzing sound that would signal the postman’s arrival.

There was a sudden loud knock on his door. He jumped out of his skin.

The postman never came all the way up to the second floor. He always just hit the buzzer and made Phil come all the way downstairs. Did he know? Did he have some kind of sixth sense or x-ray vision that had revealed to him the contents of the package? Had he come up so he could look over Phil’s shoulder to see what the home of a man who just wanted to get fucked and knocked up by an extraterrestrial being looked like?

“Just a second!” Phil called, as if he wasn’t standing right in front of the door. His voice was ridiculously squeaky. He took a few deep breaths and opened the door with trembling hands.

The man standing on the other side was gorgeous and definitely not the postman, despite the box in his hands. He had curly brown hair, warm eyes, and slightly chapped pink lips that curled into a friendly smile at the sight of Phil.

“Hey, I’m Dan. This got left outside my door by mistake. It’s got your apartment number on it so I figured I’d just run it up to you.”

The fact that an attractive man had intercepted the package was somehow both horrifying and erotic. Phil was mortified and mildly aroused at the same time.

He wanted to invite Dan in to test out his new toy, but he decided that was a situation best left to fantasy. At least for the time being. So he forced himself to smile casually and say thank you, and let Dan go on his merry, oblivious way.

Phil watched Dan’s long legs and broad back disappear down the hall. He knew who he was going to imagine depositing eggs in him that night.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> [ tumblr post ](https://velvetnautilus.tumblr.com/post/175914361330/eggs-rating-m-just-for-sex-toy-descriptions-no)


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